Tuesday, May 2, 2017

"Happy Mothers Day" A Buoyant Mother, treading water.

A Buoyant Mother
Treading Water

Treading water is a survival technique to stay afloat...

another lesson learned

Summer is approaching, I avoid the news... it is not something I want marinating in my subconscious while I slumber with the angels. Unfortunately, I fell asleep on the sofa while watching a movie. Waking to the evening broadcast of another tragedy, a child surviving on life support, after a drowning. This is close to home. For those of you who don't know, my son drowned 31 years ago. For those who do, I promise to be real. This is not morbid - it is a revelation. Meaning brings beauty.

I didn't intend to write about the incident but it's obvious the subject is lingering. Why? My pool is empty. Yes! I have a pool. I love the water. Living in Las Vegas the dry hot summers promote the need for water. So I bought a house with a pool. Shocked by my decision my friend asked, "How on earth can you look outside your kitchen window, at a pool?" "The pool is not my enemy, I will not let my son's memory own tragedy." I smiled. It has long passed.

It's eight years since I moved to Nevada. My previous beautiful home was in Australia situated in the Koorablyn Valley, boasting five luscious green acres. I miss the valley and the view of the mountains. As much as it was hard to leave it behind, it was time for me to adventure new frontiers. My friends thought me brave. Four of those eight years my pool has looked like an empty swamp. This is a huge confession for someone who practices the art of Feng Shui, and the benefits to enhance environmental energy, balance and harmony. The view from my kitchen window is not a reminder of my baby's drowning, why? more so of a recent misfortune. At the crossroad of fate, once again, my life took an unforeseen detour. I sat in a chair that was invisible to the eye, broken. I fell directly onto concrete, injuring my spine. I had to have an unexpected surgery. I had to dig deeper than ever before into places I never imagined, to honor my calling. I have suffered. Beyond suffering. A story that is hard to comprehend - people’s cruelty and ignorance and the lack of compassion and care. I have been treading water, trying to stay afloat. I venture into new terrains of loss, loneliness and solitude. My body feels like it has shattered into a million pieces. The empty pool is a reminder of what I have recently lost and cannot afford. The luxuries we most often take for granted. The hurdles I once mastered. I thought all my lessons were near learnt. Alas, there is more to discover and even more to document. My dreams, and my dedication to my calling seem replaced with being stationary in a survival mode.

I am part of a large group of online survivors, from all walks of life and experience. Some cringe at the thought, after years and years of survival, the term "survivor," to be called a survivor. Why? The word means to exist, to continue in spite of an ordeal or trauma. During survival, suffering still often continues. To many survivors, being called a survivor is to ONLY get by - like staying afloat. This analogy between survival and staying a float is so much more than a technique to exist - to remain alive. I have experienced unimaginable heartache. Watching my child kept alive on a life support machine, brain dead. I recall my mother stating, “it would have been best, easier if the paramedic had not revived him.” I don't agree. Every treasurable moment gave me time with my baby - time that became a saving grace. In many ways, one in particular, I found my buoyancy, my ability to rise in faith.

All our experiences are unique. I am not an authority on your particular journey. But I do know this. Survival is a huge stepping-stone, a platform, and a foundation to build upon. Treading water suspended in an experience builds powerful muscles, mentally, emotionally and physically. It teaches you the most valuable life lessons and skills. It reminds you to use and make the most with what you have - to be resourceful and resilient. The ability to survive is the trademark of courage and strength. Having courage and being strong grants the resilience to withstand. Do I imagine sometimes? After all this time, the pleasures I missed with my two boys - the joy of a mother and her sons, of course. Tears fill my eyes. Fate had other plans for me. Time doesn’t heal all wounds but it does give you a chance to tread water and build character and discipline. It shows you what love means. This phase, which holds survival, can either corrode your heart with saddness, hate, fear and anger or fill it with compassion. At the cross roads of fate stands the Alter. An internal place to embrace your survival and identify what it has given you. What you have given to yourself.

Time has long passed since my little Lee graduated to the other side, where angels watch over us. The memories are vivid. Not of the tragedy - of the blessings, the gifts presented. Like a wise old owl, as I smile, (I am not old) in the freedom of peace - I see beauty, even though I am challenged with new adversities, I know. I can see, not so much what lies ahead but what grows from within.

Like a huge tree I dig down into the dirt of the earth 
with the roots of my experience, 
expand my knowledge... 
Reaching high into the light of the sky 
to grow in the spirit of understanding, compassion and love.

May is Mother's Day Month 
Happy Mothers Day to all my friends, happy children’s day to those who love there mothers. I have learned many things, what matters most is not what you learn, but how you practice wisdom, by applying what you know. Life is a practice. Treading water is a practice - surviving a moment to graduate to higher and greater places within.

Happy Mothers Day All, the grace of love becomes you.

Thrive by practicing the skills from your survival!

Life continues to show us the way by the roads we travel, chosen by chance or by choice. Either way, a thriving survivor is one that practices the finer skills in what they have learned, and the practice of grace thats been granted. 

My revelation is... yes, I still cry, sometimes sob for the many experiences of loss, but it is through the past that has granted me the wisdom to know when to let go and let God. Let go and embrace the moment - most of all love myself by being patient with my imperfections, the behaviors I hold at my weakest moment. As a survivor I have learned to thrive in the desert. Not just the desert in Nevada but the desert of misfortune. As a warrior of life. I am strong and can fight a good fight, - if necessary. By choice, not out of weakness I choose to move in grace - in love. I am blessed!

Love, Courage and Peace,

There is more to this story. I look forward in presenting my new book  
The Key to Life Process. Story © protected 2017.

To those of you owning a swimming pool, be responsible. Create boundaries to protect your children. Provide floating devices, alarms, childproof fences and gates. Water is beautiful and water can be dangerous. Practice safe water habits with pool safety. Never leave your child out of sight.


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